This year, however, I have succumbed to the positive peer pressure of my friends, who are participating because they care about "fitness" and "health". I feel that my presence has downgraded the entire experience for everyone and that the practices should now be referred to as "Masters" with intentionally sarcastic air quotes. I mean, the only skills I've mastered are the world's slowest backstroke and how to be consistently ten minutes late to practice.
But it's been a fascinating learning experience that has made me appreciate what my kids go through every day and also how truly great the sport is. So here are 10 things I learned from actually doing a swim team practice:
10. Swimming is so good for your body and health, except for the part about it creating ravenous, insatiable hunger that lasts all day.
9. Getting out of bed at the crack of dawn for swim practice feels freaking horrible, but actually being in the water at that time of day feels amazing.
8. Swimming is always, always better when there are friends in your lane.
7. Forgetting your fins/goggles/kickboard is really not that a big deal, especially if you got out on the opposite end of the pool from where you got in.*
*Learned the hard way after a very exhausting swim, so I will no longer get mad at my kids about this. You're welcome, children.
6. I can swim 50 meter backstroke with no problem, provided you clock me with an egg-timer rather than a stop-watch.
5. Butterfly is for specials and I am a regular.
4. For 25 meters this morning, I truly believed breathing was optional.
3. There is a spot in my lane where I swear there's a current and it feels like I'm kicking as hard as any person can and yet, I'm going nowhere. And of course, the only way through that spot (where mysterious aquatic forces are working against me) is to just keep kicking as hard as I can.*
*We shall call this "Dorrie's Law" and we shall just keep swimming.
2. I will never again hear the words "ladder" or "pyramid" without involuntarily twitching and smelling phantom chlorine.
1. You can give 100% during a heat* and either feel really slow or really fast depending on who happens to be in the lanes on either side of you. So maybe just feel good about the fact that you did your best and didn't actually throw up. Because they close the pool for that.
*Giving 100% means you feel like you might puke after.
(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013-2015
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