Today would have been my grandmother's birthday, so to honor her memory I made her delicious vegetable soup last night and told this story to my kids.
Once, back in the olden days (sometime in 2003), we went to see Grandmom Joyce at her tiny, perfectly clean house in Trenton, NJ. My uncle and my cousin were also there visiting. They're both vegetarians so when we asked what was for lunch, Grandmom Joyce said: "vegetable soup". When we sat down to eat, it was clear that the soup had about 6 pounds of delicious, tender pot roast in it. My uncle looked confused.
"Mother, you said this was vegetable soup."
"Uh huh. Yes."
"But there's beef in it."
"So don't eat the meat."
"But I'm a vegetarian..."
"Uh huh. Yes."
"I don't eat meat."
"So then don't eat the meat." ((pause)) "It's vegetable soup."
"But there's beef in it and beef broth, as well."
"Yes. It's vegetable soup."
((she looked at him, blinking))
"But Mother, I don't think this is actually vegetable soup."
((still looking at him, blinking))
"It's vegetable soup. Just don't eat the meat. Now who wants jello for dessert? I have cool whip. It's nice and fresh!"
((My uncle's lifelong commitment to applying reason and logic now made perfect sense to me. He patiently sighed, while we suppressed giggles.))
"Uh huh. Yes."
"But there's beef in it."
"So don't eat the meat."
"But I'm a vegetarian..."
"Uh huh. Yes."
"I don't eat meat."
"So then don't eat the meat." ((pause)) "It's vegetable soup."
"But there's beef in it and beef broth, as well."
"Yes. It's vegetable soup."
((she looked at him, blinking))
"But Mother, I don't think this is actually vegetable soup."
((still looking at him, blinking))
"It's vegetable soup. Just don't eat the meat. Now who wants jello for dessert? I have cool whip. It's nice and fresh!"
((My uncle's lifelong commitment to applying reason and logic now made perfect sense to me. He patiently sighed, while we suppressed giggles.))
"Thank you, mother. Please pass the bread."
Later that day, suspicious of what my cousin and I were chatting about on her front stoop, Grandmom Joyce told us to get up and get in the house because sitting on concrete caused the piles*.
*Hemorrhoids (unproven medical theory)
Today I'm grateful for the family I've got, for my tenuous grasp of reason and logic, and for vegetable soup with 6 pounds of post roast.
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