Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Twas the Voicemail before Thanksgiving

OMG. So apparently, every time I leave my husband a voicemail at work, his office's phone system transcribes my message. And he just told me today that this so called "system" actually makes me sound insane every single time. No one else. Just me. 
I was like "What the hell are you talking about?"
And he read me the transcription of the message I left this morning. 
Just to put this all in context, that is not what I said. I called him as I was leaving Target, where I tried unsuccessfully to pick up some last minute items he'd told me that we needed. That makes me a nice person because it's the day before Thanksgiving and that place is a shit show.
Here's the transcript. The first sentence is pretty accurate but after that... It's like his voicemail is trying to make me sound borderline demented. And I mean - SCREW YOU, VOICEMAIL TRANSCRIPTION. I have three kids and it's the holidays. I can look crazy without your help. 
"It's Julie, I'm I was not able to find all the stuff that you texted me this morning. So I'm just gonna do the best they can, Korea. I'm one of the things that I was going to do. It's me stock. It's for you to cook with because the stuff that I could be stopping you could drink, but I don't get a chicken salad mixed chocolate. So I was just gonna cut the crap out of it and the pressure cooker and make it really gets back and you can either drink that or you can use it for cooking. Hopefully it will make you feel better. I'm running. Please go to come in and I'm going to go anyway for an hour or so to volunteer to pot luck and then. We should be home about I don't know too. Okay. Let me back."

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Friday, November 17, 2017

What's it like to write a book, Julie? (part 1)

WHAT’S IT LIKE TO WRITE A BOOK, JULIE?
It’s like this! First, you drink all the coffee in the whole house because of your deadline. Then you realize you’re out of coffee but you won’t go to the store because that’s time you won’t be writing and you magically find some hidden coffee, lurking among the tea, and brew a huge pot and drink it and then your teenage daughter says “OMG why is this coffee so gross? MOM IT EXPIRED IN JANUARY 2016 WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?” and you’re like “whatever, it’s fine” and keep typing out terrible words.

(c) Mommyland Blogs 2013-2018

Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram & Pinterest. Better yet - subscribe! Mostly because Facebook is now so dumb that our updates don't even show up in our own feed anymore.

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